Went to the doctor this morning and as usual he did a scan. Baby is growing well and she was having hiccups; it was really funny listening in. She's 2.3 kg and the only disappointment for me, personally is that she is still facing downwards, just like the last few visits. It's nothing, I guess, but at this point in time, I'm anxious; I just to know and get some assurance that she's okay.
Why the anxiety? When I was pregnant the first time around, I was very naive and as the saying goes "ignorance is bliss". Back then, I was concentrating on having my first child and that was it. Work was not so hectic, my general was not an issue and I did not know much about "what-can-go-wrong", "pregnancy risks" etc, even though I do read up. I did everything with so much enthusiasm. Now, I'm always tired at the end of the day, I have not prepared anything and I always ended up having this guilty feeling.
Guilty for:
- not treating her the same as Ryan (when he's in my tummy)
- somewhat neglecting her due to my current work and other family commitments
- not spending enough time with her and tell her that I love her and looking forward to see her
- not taking good care of myself while carrying her ( feeling stress throughout the pregnancy and I'm not sure how this affects her)
I have to work things out and come up with a solution as I'm at the final stage of my pregnancy. I need to make amendments and I'm taking positive steps.
